I broke up with my boyfriend today. Thought it was for the best. I'm not getting help and I'm not getting better. I feel bad that he's hurting so much, but he doesn't understand that it is for the best. I hate breaking up with people but it is for the best.
Screaming and crying in my sleep again, I'm really hating my past and all the shit I've done that is literally fucking me over. I just hope i don't end up like my cousin, I've been getting into fights again. Was taken to the hospital and got some stitches, fuckin knife fights. Thank goodness I said I was on my friends health plan and the bill is being sent to her place.
I'm so confused, I can't get away. I wish I could, I wish I was stronger enough but these damn emotions are messing me up. Sometimes I think it's easier to be emotionless like i use to. Less problems. I don't know anymore, I can't think like an average person can.
I'm so paranoid when family comes over it's bad enough when I'm around crowds I think someone is going to kill me. I feel like I'm drugs when I'm not on any. Then again it's cause of withdraw from months ago, it's from other issues. I hate being fucked over by people. I want a new life, a new brain.
I don't mind being alone, a day of being alone was nice despite my brain yelling and the thoughts. I don't mind being curled up in a ball, I hate thinking that something is here when there isn't and it's going to kill me.
Someday I'll be taken. Soon I bet.
No comments:
Post a Comment