Is this how it should be?

A lot has happened since "Screaming".

My middle brother moved back in due to his room mate living with his girlfriend. Help packing was not fun. And now back to how I'm not like my brother and how I can be better. THANKS FOR MAKING LIFE SHITTY

Me and my ex are back together, I'm happy but why do I feel like we're so distant I MISS YOU(no pun intended) He's only about 6hrs away since he's staying at his dorm. DON'T LEAVE ME.We're happy but I feel like it's hard to explain, then again maybe my expression will show ya.

Somebody deleted me SLUT because I told her to delete photos of me in her Photography people album (her photography sucks, floating heads, creeper boyfriend and bad over edited photos)POSER and she deleted me because I told her a professional photographer asks to upload.DUMB ASS. And she copies peoples lives and personalities and complains about things when her life is basically perfect.

I am getting help from my aunt and it's helping. Her son that committed suicide due to drugs and so many mental problems. It's actually helping but at the same time it feels like withdraw from heroin.

"You can't quit until you try
You can't live until you die
You can't learn to tell the truth until you learn to lie
You can't breathe until you choke
You gotta laugh when you're the joke?It's nothing like a funeral to make you feel alive"

Nikki Sixx you prove an excellent proof. Sad thing I've already gone through that, I'm starting to miss heroin.I NEED YOU. And it is because it has done a huge impact on me, I'm mentally unstable HELP and I don't really know what to do. I want to rely on people but I'm so afraid. I feel like I can only go to SpaceCadet *sorry if i miss spell it's 3:11am). I hate how me and my boyfriend are far but yet not, I just need to be comforted and I'm not getting that.

March 28th-29th I started screaming in my sleep again and again my mum wasn't home. The 30th I almost called my dealer, almost punched a mirror and would have been sent to the hospital. I've been trying not to cut but I can't help but give in. Been called a skank and my low self esteem isn't help.

"This is just a courtesy call
(Why'd you want to save me?)"

I wonder about this so much, I think I just bother people because I'm not stable and that I have gone through way too much for my own good. I've tried to disappear but I'm always saved. Maybe there's a reason, like to help my friends and my boyfriend.

The Heroin Diaries is what saved me, when reading it i knew what to expect and how to save myself from getting worse, but like shadows it's always there and will always be lurking no matter what.

"And I sold my soul"

Ever since I was five year old when my friend died from suicide I've always tried, I lost a piece of a me that I can never regain.TAKE ME. I tried everything, I prayed I was a private School Pre K-8th grade and it was hell. YOU NEVER HELPED. When I was in the 4th grade, God was the devil. Free will? AHAHAHAHAHAHA. There is not just one higher power, if he loved everyone and created everyone to love others then why don't gay people get married? YOU SECRETLY HATE EVERYONE GOD. I don't believe in it. It has always made me angry, everyone dies when it's time, yeah being fucking abused so they commit suicide is their time? Fuck you God. Private Schools destroyed me, girls are evil bitches that love attention and drama (not all but majority).

This is not organized, It's 3:25 and I can't sleep. SAND MAN WHERE YOU? I can't stand the yelling and the schoing. LALALALALA I bit my nails cause my nails were digging into my head then I made sure there weren't sharp. IT FELT NICE. I really don't know what to do, I'd be in college but the ogts are messing over. THANKS FOR NOT HELPING ME.

I'll take some photos later today. Some Black and white ones...