This is so weird now, I hate side effects, yesterday was senior presentation day. People forgot, but I don't care. It was actually really good, my aunt came and I talked to her for an hour. Today was shitty I hate seniors in this one advisory. I can't stand people, someone who was close to me became a desperate ass hole and I'm not the only one who thinks that.

So many people are slipping away again. I'm glad I'm a good actress cause it's so easy to say yeah I'm fine when I'm trying to crawl out of a dark hole covered in sharp spider webs digging into my skin as I'm being slowly dissected.

I like being covered in red, it makes me so pretty.

I weight 141 I've lost 10 pounds and I hate eating but I make myself eat a little so people will stop bothering me. Finally free from the high school, just fuckin ogts.

I hate being paranoid, I'm so jumpy and I have to move my foot or else I go insane. I'm scratching myself too >< I have no nails I made sure of it but I can't stop. FUCK YOU SIDE EFFECTS my mind is so jumbled but why do I go back and look?

"Go back to sleep" Save me, I want my golden boy to feel safe "they don't give a fuck about you like I do" if I didn't have people I'd be like my cousin, except worse and more mentally ill. Hell I am mentally ill and it all started when I was 5. I wish I was average, I wouldn't have to deal with so much shit. I can't stop coughing, GO AWAY it coming again, all of it. Maybe if I go listen to the screaming I can fall asleep, they won't shut up and its making my head hurt. Nyx I hate these you know foile is annoying.

I want him I need him. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE? You were suppose to save me and now the lachrymose is mixing with the paint sure doesn't smell like paint though. I sleep with holding it now the choker, It makes me calm knowing i have a part of you.

LEAVE ME ALONE it won't stop, shadows kidnapping me again, I HATE YOU so much but you make the pain go away, I'm not stable anymore. SAVE ME Nyx please take me somewhere after death, I want to go somewhere like maybe live again? I don't want pitch darkness. I want to go somewhere.

Wrap wrap wrap tighten tighten wrap.

Intermission

I probably won't start doing some things for awhile, *Need to save this site* I heard this from a friend and I thought why not? It can get us to know what's going on with us and my other thoughts are thinking about Sweet Comforting Lies, that it's cold and that they aren't happy.
My dad gets out of the Hospital tomorrow from his other hip surgery (car accident at 19 and it killed his fiance).It's one of the worst car wrecks and for those who go to the fair and see the car wreck it's always 100 times worse. Tis his fourth surgery *total* and it's his other hip, thankfully his leg didn't shatter since the bone is messed up.

I spent time with my mum and for those who don't know I don't get along with her. I am sick and first it was kinda hard but things got better later on.But there were no arguments and my two older brothers came over to get the chair up the stairs and afterwords we talked and had a good time. I was surprised me and my mum watched tv till 12:30am we don't even spend 10mins (less too) together without fighting.

High Schools that don't let go is a bitch, especially when teachers promise you they'll help but don't. I'm getting sick and tired of it * ha! I am actually sick and tired as it's 1:36am right now* I feel like they are yanking on my leash, teachers like me when I was a trouble maker my freshmen and little bit of sophomore year *how I want to block that out* but if a teacher won't let me print I can't do my presentation. I feel so stupid also because my sophomore I started to do sweet comforting lies and it's messed me up I can't think and haven't been able to pass ogts and I'm also suppose to have an iep but apparently I'm not good enough.

This is just a beginning that can scare you away and will show you that this isn't a nightmare and that tis reality.