Why

The reason why so much has happened is cause of one thing. Heroin.

Now for those who are wondering things are fine with me and my boyfriend. As well as with some people.

But today. Things were going really well till I decided to check my myspace. FUCK WHY NOW?! Seriously why now?! Thin gs are starting to go really well, with me and people. It's been about I don't know how many months being clean but why? It's so hard when a friend is sitting right next to me. But I don't know what to do. It's starting hurt, the craving is really strong, I want cigarettes. Can I ever escape? Will this ever end? Can I ever escape? I'm getting tired of this I really am. I don't know what to do, I'm afraid. But I don't know what to do. I'm afraid. I'm afraid I'll go the the wrong path and fuck everything up again. I can't do this. But I can't go away, I'm afraid to ignore, I'm afraid to accept. I can't pick. I wish this was just a dream like repo men. I just want something happy, why can't I be happy? I've been dealing with being mentally unstable, I'm aching, it's hurting. Thank goodness I'm good at acting.

Either way I just don't want to go back to calling my dealer, is it wrong that a part of me does. To escape reality, and hope it's just a bunch of lies. I feel like throwing up but I can't. I just need to get away. Why now...