Haunting

Being bullied is not easy to go through, and to make sure it doesn't get worse, almost everyone believes the bully cause they have money or almost everyone is their friend. When your a loner it's harder cause you have no one to go to and your parents don't care about you. The only way to feel better is by drugs, smoking or self harm. When your stuff is being searched or thrown out the windows you can't do anything. If you try to stand up it gets worse. People just watch and not do anything cause they fear they might be the next victim.
Being bullied in Middle School, Elementary School and a few years of HS. For those who don't know I started smoking when I was 9 years old. I started to do wweed and slowly went up since I was 10. I did cocaine my sophomore year then heroin. I was also cutting myself, why self harm? School was terrible and so was home. I used to be abused till I started to live with my aunt. People to her not to let may stay there cause of her oldest son who suffered Bi Polar, Schizophrenia, Clinical Depression, and Multi personality disorder. At the time I was clinical depressed and not knowing that I was going through MPD. Switching schools is also hard because you know no one and they don't know you and the groups were already formed.

Why am I writing this? Why am I holding my pocket knife that's sharper than my dagger? Throwing up when I use to be anorexic and bulimic because of being bullied. My memories are kicking in and I'm happy with my boyfriend but he isn't feeling well and he has morning and afternoon classes so I don't want to bother him. So I'm cutting to feel better despite my head is hurting so I'm throwing up. I just want to forget things. I really do. I hate it when your really happy and your past reminds you why you can't happy. It really sucks I'm afraid to call people because it's 1:32am and I don't want to bother anyone. I called my longest friend around 12:59am and I told him to go back to sleep cause he really was but I'm feeling worst and I don't know what to do. I don't want to call my old dealer I don't want to disappoint my boyfriend but I need to feel better.