I don't even know how to start other than the fact my head is spinnig and racing. I promised I wouldn't do it and I'm trying so hard as I'm alone.
Waiting for hours staying by his side till his operation. Would things have gone better if he went when instead of waiting? OR would things be the same, I have no clue.
I wrote a poem for the first time in a couple months. First time it got deleted and it made me sad but this one still gets the point.
It's so hard not to do anything, my sharp objects are in the drawer my phone by side, anything can happen. But I'm fighting despite how hard I want to give in with these lachrymose.
He didn't make it through the operation... I whispered it by his door as he was being operated on and I hope he heard it. I told him before the operation but it's not the same, I wasn't with him. I lost not only his younger brother but now him.
RIP Nikolas Oswal
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